We're almost there

Those outside the adoption world really don't get the attachment thing, but it is very real and sometimes very painful. Before my oldest came home, like many others I mistakenly believed all I had to do was love my little 4 month old baby when he/she came home and that would be that. 3 kids later, and I know that isn't always enough. E and R showed their difficulties right from the beginning, but J (being the little booger he is) really threw us for a loop. He had a fairly lengthy honeymoon period. Even our social worker believed "3rd times a charm". He seemed to grieve initially and then slowly moved on. It all felt so right. At 18 months (14 months after coming home) we realized things weren't quite as we had thought. In hindsight, things started going downhill at 12 months, but they were so minor and went so slowly we didn't realize it until later. When we realized he was struggling, we visited with our social worker who confirmed what I was thinking- anxious attachment. 9 months after diagnosis and a lot of hard work, J is finally getting there. I can't say he is absolutely in love yet (there is a difference between loving us and being in love with us), but he is close.

Today Daddy set up the "jumpy thing" and J was very nervous about it. Instead of having a breakdown and crying like he has done in the past, he came to me and let me snuggle him. We sat this way for about 10 minutes until he decided it was okay to ignore it and go play. It felt so good to have him melt into my arms this way knowing that he could trust me to keep him safe.