At least he has learned the important things

Although J is still a little behind verbally (not putting words together yet, but he does have a fairly decent vocabulary), today I realized he has learned what really matters. While watching M*A*S*H and having our afternoon snack, J looked at the TV and said "esh". Just to be clear, I asked him what we were watching and he repeated "esh". Even more impressive is the fact that it was the middle of the show, he didn't even have to hear the opening/ending music to identify it. I'm so proud.

My favorite Christmas presents

are from Nanny every year. Although she always gives us a very generous monetary gift she also buys the most unique things. Last year I got an ear cleaner/scraper. I love it- mostly for when my ear itches. In fact I use it almost daily. I also received a neti pot. Haven't used it yet, I guess I'm not super comfortable with pouring liquid up my nose. Other presents have ranged from a taco holder to a collapsable crate with wheels. Sometimes the items sit in my cupboards for quite a while before I find a use for them, but that's part of the excitement. Can't wait to see what this year brings.

Our Papa

passed away on November 29th. Sadly he entered the hospital on November 10th and in spite of everything the nurses and doctors did, he just couldn't keep up. In the past couple of days we've teased (it's the only thing that helps at this point) that he has been living on borrowed time for more than 27 years (when he jumped out of that darn plane- on purpose no less). He has survived a shattered femur (which required 3 major reconstructive operations), knee replacement and multiple bouts of MRSA, but his kidneys and liver just couldn't take it anymore. Not surprisingly though his heart held on long after they told us it would (so stubborn). With love but no regrets (you lived a truly amazing life), we say goodbye- we love you... I love you Daddy.

I am on the ball...

this year. First I had all my Christmas shopping done by October 1st, now I have everything wrapped and it isn't even Thanksgiving yet. Oh- we also put the tree up today. I guess I'm just a little excited since all three of my kids are now at an age where they "get" Santa.

Reason #100 Why I still love my Ergo

Sadly it became too painful to wear J around the park, but Daddy figured out a way that everyone could have a seat. J was so comfortable he even fell asleep.

Goofy's Kitchen

A trip to Disneyland wouldn't be the same without breakfast at Goofy's Kitchen. Although it is a little pricey, the food is fairly good and the kids love seeing the characters.

Disneyland

Last week we went to Disneyland. It was the first time we have ever gone "during" the school year and believe me, it was a great time to go. No crowds at all. The kids had a blast, in fact our only disappointment was sending Nanny home on a plane the day after we got there because Papa was sick. Not surprisingly, R loved Autopia. He has been on it many times before and never seems to get bored with it. E made sure that we went on Autopia first thing each morning, but only after we went on her favorite- Buzz Lightyear. J seemed a little nervous on the first couple of rides, but lit up as soon as we did the Teacups and then the Carousel. He thought he was such a big boy riding his own horse.

Without another adult there, we had to forgo the "big kid" rides, but I didn't mind at all. In fact it was a nice change to have the focus just on the kids. Probably the best surprise was the new Toy Story ride. This quickly became a favorite, unfortunately everyone else at the park thought so too. Each time we rode it, we had to wait about 45 minutes- although it was well worth it. Enjoy the pictures.

How come you're my mommy?

R asks this at least once a day and about a month ago, I figured out an answer that suited him...

"because Dr. Kim (from ESWS), Marsha (from Dillon), your Birth Mother and God said I could be."

Now that we have the answer established, when he asks, I usually turn the question back on him. He doesn't get everybody, everytime, so I help him out, but at least it satisfies him and the sweet smile on his face when he says it is priceless.

R and J riding their bikes

While videotaping E learning to ride her bike with no training wheels, I got some pictures of the boys.

What a little goofball.

No Training Wheels

Today Daddy decided to teach E to ride her bike with no training wheels. Daddy ran alongside her and "caught" her each time she began to fall. Although she tends to be very cautious, Daddy proved he would be there for her and after some hard work, she finally mastered it.

Halloween Pictures

My Trick or Treaters- J was not happy at all about his costume and repeatedly told us "off off off" until he began to get candy. Since our weather was way too warm, R could not wear his fighter pilot costume but was more than happy to be a "pleaceman".

Is she a good witch or a bad witch, that is the question.

Had to include a picture of Daddy's pumpkin.

A really heavy load

I'm often chastised by family and friends for being too thin. Believe me, people can actually be just as mean about this than if I was heavy. I've been told way too many times how horrible I look or some other negativity in regards to my weight. The problem for me is having 3 very young children. I tell people they are sucking the life out of me (more specifically the weight). Tonight was the perfect example. We went to a Halloween carnival with Nanny. I had J in the Ergo and was actually wearing him in front for the warmth. As we were leaving R started to drag (it's tough being three in a six year old body). I asked Nanny to take my bag and then put R on my back. Needless to say, carrying 70 lbs. of kids on my 110 lb frame was tough, but we sure got to the car quicker than if R had been walking.

Still my favorite baby purchase...

the Ergo. Although J is about 28 lbs. (about 1/4 of my weight), I still love to carry him in it. Usually he is content to be in it, unless he feels he is missing out on something (ie. sitting in the toy cars at Toys R Us). We did go through a period when we were struggling with attachment/his independence that he refused to be worn, but fortunately we have moved past that. Because he is getting so big, my hips start to go numb after awhile, but it's well worth it to feel him snuggled so close to me.

For the first time in over 5 years...

we do not have a crib in our house. Although J is almost 28 months, he was very comfortable in his crib. We tried taking him out shortly before he was 2, but he wanted no part of it. Unfortunately a little over a week ago, he discovered he could climb out- obviously that meant the end of it. We had a rough couple of days getting him comfortable in his new bed (which is just a mattress on the floor for now) and making him stay in his room, but he finally gets the idea and is sleeping soundly again. The pictures below make me a little sad, nonetheless, I am excited to move on to the next step.

We're almost there

Those outside the adoption world really don't get the attachment thing, but it is very real and sometimes very painful. Before my oldest came home, like many others I mistakenly believed all I had to do was love my little 4 month old baby when he/she came home and that would be that. 3 kids later, and I know that isn't always enough. E and R showed their difficulties right from the beginning, but J (being the little booger he is) really threw us for a loop. He had a fairly lengthy honeymoon period. Even our social worker believed "3rd times a charm". He seemed to grieve initially and then slowly moved on. It all felt so right. At 18 months (14 months after coming home) we realized things weren't quite as we had thought. In hindsight, things started going downhill at 12 months, but they were so minor and went so slowly we didn't realize it until later. When we realized he was struggling, we visited with our social worker who confirmed what I was thinking- anxious attachment. 9 months after diagnosis and a lot of hard work, J is finally getting there. I can't say he is absolutely in love yet (there is a difference between loving us and being in love with us), but he is close.

Today Daddy set up the "jumpy thing" and J was very nervous about it. Instead of having a breakdown and crying like he has done in the past, he came to me and let me snuggle him. We sat this way for about 10 minutes until he decided it was okay to ignore it and go play. It felt so good to have him melt into my arms this way knowing that he could trust me to keep him safe.

They're all different

Sure everyone says this about kids, but sometimes it's more obvious than others. No doubt E is brilliant and has always picked things up quickly, so unfortunately the boys are often compared to her. J takes longer, but is extremely determined and has learned quite a few things very early (ie. shapes by 23 months and letters by 27 months). R on the other hand has always done things at his own pace. He cannot be pushed or he literally turns into a brick wall. He has never memorized (to sing) nursery rhymes like other kids, didn't master his shapes until after 3 and had no interest in anything else academic. Lately though (with a little bit of pressure from baby brother), he has become more and more interested in the academic. He can verbally recall 22 letters of the alphabet and is able to point to the last 4 if laid out. Today we went to the mall and once in the elevator I asked him to push the number 1 which he found with no problem. When we needed to go back upstairs, he found the number 2 for me. Neither the letters nor the numbers would be that significant for a child who had attended pre school, or worked many hours with his Mama, but those things didn't happen, he has learned these early skills exclusively through play. Once again I am so proud of my sweet boy.

When is it my turn Mom?

When she was little, I mistakenly believed that E was painfully shy. I have since discovered that like her Mommy, she is only shy when she is the only one in a group who doesn't know anyone. She will however slowly warm up if given the chance.
The times that E isn't shy is when it's one on one. E (at the ripe old age of 5 1/2 ) incorrectly assumes that when people come to our house they are there to see (and chat with) her. Too many times I have had to send her to her room becasue she is monopolizing the conversation with someone as important as J's previous speech pathologist. Today I was chatting with a previous coworker "S". During the conversation, E pulls her chair closer and says "When is it my turn to talk Mom". Much to her dismay, I told her she wouldn't get a chance since S was there to chat only with me. Fortunately E is a pretty resilient kid so, if her feelings were just a bit bruised, she moved on quickly.

Fun for the whole family

A couple of months ago we began a new family tradition/game- Hide and Seek. About once a week (E would prefer it be nightly), between bathtime and bedtime we all play together. Right now because the kids are young, we limit it to just the upstairs. The spots tend to be used again and again and the dogs sometimes give our hiding places away, but the kids get such a kick out of scaring each other they don't seem to notice. The whole family goes into one room, while one member leaves to hide. Then as a group we search. Daddy, E and I can hide by ourselves, but R usually needs Daddy's help. R never stays in his spot because he is just so excited, he jumps out prematurely which makes us all crack up. J is too young to hide, but he loves to dance around while we count and looks so darn cute cautiously searching with us.
Tonight I mentioned to Daddy that I can't wait to play when they get older and use the entire house. Although silly, I hope this is something we can continue to make time to do with our kids and I hope they look back on it fondly.

What a beautiful baby

Found an old picture of E. She was 10 months old and we had just decided to shave her head at the suggestion of quite a few hair stylists that were knowledgable about "dark, thick hair". We only shaved it one time and it grew back beautifully without any of the thin spots so common at that age. To this day, I still think the reason her hair is so much thicker than some of her Asian girlfriends is because we shaved it.

We are blessed

Today we went to Chusok (Korean Thanksgiving for those non Korean families out there). It was not just a typical Chusok event, it was Dillon's 25th year anniversary for placing Korean born children, so it was extra special. They had both dance and tae kwan do performances, which were amazing. Unfortunately we didn't get to see much since keeping R and J quiet and still proved to be very difficult and much to our relief the temple had a very large playground. When it was time to eat, the boys were finally ready to come in. The kids ate pasta and sub sandwiches, and we ate bulgogi, kimchi, mandu and a few other things. Let me tell you, I ATE two whole plates. Loved it- so delicious.
Once again the staff at Dillon really went above and beyond to create a beautiful afternoon. In addition to the performances and the fabulous food, we were given the chance to meet some very honored guests from Korea. Most importantly we met (actually she recognized us from a meeting back in April and therefore reintroduced herself to us) Dr. Kim- the President of ESWS. Dr. Kim is the youngest daughter of Dr. Kim, who founded ESWS back in the early 70's. She has only been in this postion for a year and was preceded by her brother. After chatting with her for a moment, we introduced ourselves to Mrs. Cho. Mrs. Cho runs one of the branch offices in Seoul (there are multiple branch offices and babies can be intaken at any one before going on to ESWS Hospital). Well, our "little" R was intaken at this branch so we wanted her to meet him. While we chatted, Mrs. Cho asked what he likes to play with, his personality etc... She was writing it all down in case she gets a chance to contact birthmother. We let her know (through the help of a translater) if she were to contact R's birthmother, we would love to have contact (ie. write letters back and forth to his birthmother). This is my greatest wish. This women gave me the most precious thing in the world to her and I just want to make sure she knows how loved he is and how grateful we are and that we someday hope to meet. Communication such as this is not common, but it does happen and I can only hope we are given the opportunity. While meeting with Mrs. Cho, another guest was taking our pictures. We found out this guest is the photographer who takes the referral pictures of each of the babies who come in to ESWS. Amazing to think this woman not only took a picture of my kids today, but took a picture of each of them 5 years, 3 years and 2 years ago before we even knew them.
Everyday I look at my children and just see E, R, or J. Often I forget they are adopted, especially when I brag that E sure didn't get mine or Daddy's coordination, or that R is sooooooo much like his Daddy it is scary, or that little Mr. J got Mommy and Papa's temper. When we go to these events, I am so much more aware of their adoption and their "Koreaness". In my opinion being aware is a good thing. It reminds me how indredibly lucky we are to be a family and to "have found each other". I try to make it clear to those at both Dillon and those at ESWS, but I know I must fall short. Everyone of those people took a leap of faith and made the decision to send a tiny little baby halfway around the world and trust us to take care of him/her. This is amazing. The entire process is amazing but most of all, I am amazed at how blessed our family is.
Thank you Dillon Southwest and Eastern Social Welfare Society for the wonderful work you do. We will be forever grateful.

When we first started the adoption process, we were warned, people will make rude, insensitive or inapropriate comments regarding our family. Well, 5 years later and we have never had a stranger say anything negative to us. In fact, the only negative comments have been from family or friends (and very few at that). We were also told to beware of the "older generation" as they may not understand our family. The fact is, we are constantly told (90% of the time this is said by the "older generation") that we have a beautiful family. This is usually followed by them telling us how well behaved our children are. Our family is complimented about every other week (almost always in a restaurant) and tonight was no different.

An older couple was at the table next to us and while smiling at our family whispered over to us how cute our kids were and how pleased they were to see children that were so well behaved. I agreed and commented on what hard work it is. Then the woman said the neatest thing- she told me how lucky I am to have a good husband that helps. You know what, she was exactly right. If Daddy weren't so involved in the disciplining and if he and I weren't on the same page, we wouldn't have anywhere near the success with our children that we do.

Now, behavior at home is a different story, but hey we're working on that.

Child's views on the adoption process

I love this. I just read this story on the Holt BB

A family is sitting on the sofa together talking. A 5 year old, adopted from China starts to ask questions about becoming a grown up.

Mom says, "When you grow up, and start a family, are you going to adopt?"

Child: "Nope, I'm not having any kids."

Mom: "What, why not?"

Child: "Too much paperwork!"

Dad: "Don't worry son, your wife will fill out all of the paperwork."

Actually to be honest in our house it was all Daddy. The paperwork is pretty daunting especially for someone as ADD as me. Thank goodness Daddy did it.

Peer pressure- Maybe

...maybe not. For the past two months, J has been obsessed with letters. Because of this, he is constantly playing with the fridge magnets, watching the Letter Factory and asking us to label the letters in his puzzle. R is always so busy with his cars, trains, trucks etc... that he has never had time for this "stuff", until lately. It started with him always identifying his "R", then his brothers "J", as well as asking "what sound does the ___ make". Along the way he must have picked more up because when J got out the letter train puzzle, R helped me find most of the letters. I was so proud of him. He could identify so many letters. Was this because of our constant praise of J (knowing 20/26 letters of the alphabet at only 26 months) or is he finally interested. Not sure, but I'll take it.

Our Daddy

Just had to add a few recent Daddy pics.

It was worth a try...

but after two weeks, we have determined that E and R are not capable of sharing a room. They both had been asking for so long, so when we unexpectedly had to get rid of R's paci (apparantly they are not made for 3 year olds who are the size of 6 year olds) and sleep became so difficult for him, we decided to let them try. R forgot his beloved paci when he got to have "nuna" in his room. Unfortunately E doesn't need anywhere near the amount of sleep that R does and she was keeping him up (ie. he became a whiny little mess). So... as of today we are back to each of them having their own room. Thankfully everyone went to sleep quickly and peacefully.

Scorpions

I HATE THEM (actually I am afraid of them but have to be tough for the kids). To be honest, I hate all bugs, but because of the scorpions exoskeleton, in order to kill them, you literally have to beat the h*ll out of them. I have seen 2 in the past 2 days. Friday morning Mr. Turtle (aka R) was taking his sweet old time coming down the stairs and noticed a scorpion on the stair light. I ushered all of the kids into the family room while I grabbed the Raid and a shoe. After stunning it with the Raid (a lot of Raid), I beat the h*ll out of it (even broke the stair light). I gotta tell you, that sucker was huge, as long as the palm of my hand. Now in the world of scorpions, big is definitely better (less poinsonous/ painful).
Tonight while helping R finish his business on the potty, I noticed (right next to my foot), another one. This guy was about the size of my thumb nail (not good). Once again, I ushered the kids out of the room, then I asked E to bring me a shoe. Needless to say, I beat the h*ll out of him.
I know that the reason we are seeing so many is because of our recent rain, but seriously we just had the bug man come a few days ago. I have lived in AZ for almost 30 years and have seen more scorpions in the past year than the other 29 years put together. Ugh, did I already mention how much I hate them.

We always knew she was smart

but sometimes it still amazes me how bright E is. We received a note from her teacher today that she will be in a reading group all by herself. Her teacher told us this may be the case, but she couldn't be sure until she tested all of the kids. Although I didn't think it would be a problem, I asked E if it would be okay if she was in a reading group with just the teacher. Of course she had no problems with this, she loves her teacher and has always enjoyed interacting with adults (more attention for her). I can't wait to see what kind of progress she makes. She already knows well over 100 site words and can read basic stuff with just me as her teacher (and believe me, I haven't put very much time into it- since R and J don't allow it). Imagine what she can do with a real reading teacher.

Socks

Who knew something so small could cause so much trouble. Ugh with 3 kids so close in age, determining which socks belong to which child is always an ordeal. For awhile, I just put their initials on the bottom and this helps a little, but then they get too small and I buy new ones, but I forget to move out the old ones. Eventually there will be a greater difference in size and things should be easier, until then I will just have to do the monthly treasure hunt to make sure they are in the right place.

Llama Llama Mad at Mama

This book describes R and his recent aversion to shopping perfectly. Everytime we go lately he will whine and tell me over and over "I not wanna go shopping" "I not like it". I have actually started limiting my trips and errands because of his behavior. I figure, if I don't make him go as often, then maybe when we do have to shop, he won't complain as much. In any case, the book has a few lines that I just love-

Llama Llama starts to whine (said right after he complains about the other customers)
Llama Llama does not care (said right after Mama Llama asks his opinion on clothing for him)
Llama Llama mad at Mama (said right after complaining that he hasn't yet had his treat)

Obviously the author of this book has spent quite a lot of time shopping with a toddler (maybe she has even observed us)

By the way, it's a good thing I still have E to shop with, since more than likely J will soon have the same opinion as R.

Adding some culture...

through music. Hoping to at least. We just bought a piano from a friend. I have always wanted to have a piano and although it wasn't the best time budget wise, things just seemed to fall into place. The kids were thrilled and obviously just want to spend some time playing around on it. We are hoping in the near future to start E in lessons and maybe even R in a specialized program which teaches children to play by ear when they are too young to read music. In the meantime, the kids look like naturals.

Need a support group

for costumaholics. It may be the beginning of September, but I have already been obsessing about Halloween costumes for almost 2 weeks now. Every year, I buy them and take them back until I find just the right one. One year, E went through 7 costumes before I found the right one. Any guesses on how many we will try this year? Right now, E is going to be Pocohontas, R is going to be a Fighter Pilot, and J is going to be Mickey Mouse... that is until I find funnier- I mean cuter costumes. Right now, I only have a picture of R, hoping to upload more later.